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You may want more friends, but where do you meet them? And how do you start a conversation with a random stranger? Plus, most nights, introverts would rather stay home and relax than go out and socialize. Even when they enjoy themselves, for introverts, people are draining. Rather, we have limited social energy due to the way our brains our wired.
Extroverts can accommodate a large of interactions that come and go, while for introverts, bookings are limited. Want to add some new faces to your inner circle? Someone interesting, someone like-minded. So start by taking inventory of your acquaintances — that new person at work, a friendly neighbor, someone in your writers group whose work you admire. Identify one or two of these people to reach out to. Many introverts me! Having survived our share of awkward interactions, we may worry about rejection.
In college, I learned a hard lesson about waiting for other people to come to me. When I went away to college, I quickly found myself in a sea of strange faces — alone and lonely. I looked around and wondered how everyone else had become friends with each other so quickly. If I wanted new friends in my life, I would have to take action, even if it meant occasionally stepping out of my comfort zone. When meeting new people, you may feel like you have to appeal to everyone and get every new person you meet to like you. This is especially true of sensitive and empathetic introverts, who read others well.
Molly Owens of Truity explains:. Keeping up this facade is exhausting. Chances are, it will make you question why you are in a friendship in the first place, when it is clearly burning up all your energy. So when you find people you want to connect with, be brave and show them who you really are. Give them glimpses of your inner introvert world. This is called healthy vulnerability, and it may look like:. When you give a glimpse of your inner world, you make yourself vulnerable — and this is how true intimacy is created. Inevitably, when we meet new people, we have to do what every introvert dre: talk about ourselves.
Often, this is enough to stop a blossoming friendship in its tracks. Introverts have a superpower: listening. So get the other person talking by asking them questions:. Listening takes the spotlight off you, and most non-introverts love to talk about their favorite subject: themselves. How a friendship makes you feel is the most important factor — not how alike you two are on the surface, or what others think. Sometimes introverts have to be intentional about checking in with their feelings, as they can get lost in all the other activity going on in their busy minds.
So ask yourself:. But overall, your friends should make you feel good. Adam S. McHugh in Introverts in the Church explains:. Introverts, gratified that other people are initiating with them, can easily get caught in these exhausting and unsatisfying relationships. If someone is a total drain to be around, give yourself permission to step back.
The last thing you need in your life is another source of exhaustion. Here are some s the other person enjoys your company and may be interested in a friendship:. Try not to take it personally I know, easier said than done ; there are a lot of reasons someone may not be right for you — that have nothing to do with you!
We all do it to some extent, but introverts even more so: We keep our best stuff inside — our quirky, fun, unique personalities — and only let it out once we feel truly comfortable around someone. Lots of introverts love routine. So ask friends to hang out once a week at a regularly scheduled time. Have brunch every Saturday morning or get coffee in the same park every Tuesday after work. When we know what to expect, we feel more comfortable, and we expend less energy.
Plus, it takes the pressure off having to come up with something new and exciting to do each time you get together. the introvert revolution. One , every Friday. The best introvert articles. Subscribe here. If you bow to convention and start collecting groupies, you will end up with a bunch of shallow, unsatisfying relationships that collapse because they never had a solid foundation. So go slow, and be kind to yourself. It takes time and effort to create meaningful, lasting relationships.
What are your tips for making friends? Let me know in the comments below. Jenn Granneman is the founder of IntrovertDear. Jenn started Introvert, Dear because she wanted to write about what it was like being an introvert living in an extrovert's world. Now she's on a mission: to let introverts everywhere know it's okay to be who they are.Introvert looking for someone
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How to Make Friends If You’re an Introvert